“You are what you eat.”

We’ve all heard this saying before. But I think it has a meaning that goes far beyond making healthy dietary choices to sustain your body responsibly. We also are what we eat in terms of media. Do you start your morning scrolling through depressing news headlines on your phone, or do you wake up reading an uplifting devotional and listening to a guided meditation? What we feed our mind really matters!

Stephen loved the following Cherokee legend. He told it often to me and his clients. You’ll find various renditions of the legend on the internet, but here’s my favorite retelling:

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.”

“One is EVIL. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.”

“The other is GOOD. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

“The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”

_{https://www.wfwp.us/news-articles/national/cherokee-wisdom-two-wolves}

When I became a widow, it was very easy for me to feed the dark wolf. He was right there at the forefront of all my thoughts, waiting for a snack. And I was feeding him a lot, because it was easy. I couldn’t find the light wolf. I knew he was hiding somewhere, but it was just too hard to find him. As a result, I was drowning in anger, sorrow, regret, self-pity, and guilt.

Then one day, I remembered this legend of the two wolves. And I knew exactly what Stephen would tell me to do: “Feed the light wolf, Erin.” And it was very hard at first. I began by writing down a couple things I was grateful for each day. Early on, all I could do was say “Well, at least the sun is shining today.” But after a few weeks, I started finding more reasons to give thanks. A few months later, I was honestly astounded by how many amazing things I had in my life! I just had to choose to focus on the good.

Which wolf are you feeding right now? Are you ruminating about all the crappy, crazy things going on in the world, or are you looking out your window and admiring the beautiful redbuds in bloom? The choice is yours.

I have a serious aversion to people who use their trauma as an excuse for being mean and nasty. We are all going to experience tragedy at some point in our lives, and the vast majority of the time, we probably have little to no control over those circumstances. But we can ALWAYS choose which wolf we will feed. I’ve had many people express their wonder and amazement at my healing journey since losing Stephen. And if I had to summarize my process in one simple phrase, I would say “I’m feeding the light wolf.”

A friend sent me the following poem recently, and I can think of no more beautiful way to close out this post. It’s entitled She Chose to Be the Light by Becky Hemsley:

She was not the type of girl
To summon up the dark
To sit amongst the dead of night
And never crave its spark

Instead she danced on comets,
Used the stars as stepping stones
She rode on beams of moonlight
And she called the sun her home

But if you looked beyond her rays
So warm and fiery bright
Then you’d have seen the shadows
That had led her to the light

Because beneath each moonbeam,
Every comet, each sunrise
Was the darkness that had once collapsed
The stars within her eyes

Her heart had once been frozen
And her shine had been eclipsed
But she’d made it through the darkness
Very slowly, bit by bit

Then she’d watched the world around her,
Saw what sadness lay behind it
And so she chose to be the light
For those who couldn’t find it

So yes, they saw her sunshine,
Saw her sparkle, saw her glow
They recognised her heart of gold
But what they didn’t know

Was that it wasn’t easy
And she’d only found the light
Because once she’d only known too well
How dark it gets at night

When you feed the light wolf, it’s not just for your own benefit. You can spread that light to others who may need it and are struggling to find it themselves. And the world can always use a little more light. So let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.