I woke up at 6 am this morning with a profound realization.

We spend way more time, energy and money investing in life’s happiest moments than helping people through their darkest days. And that needs to change.

American culture loves to spend money extravagantly on the happiest moments in a person’s life. Bachelorette parties to far-flung destinations, bridal showers with overpriced, seldom used home goods, weddings that cost as much as a down payment on a house, honeymoons, baby showers, gender reveal parties, etc. When we have good news to share with our community, an excessive amount of money gets spent to celebrate and honor these occasions.

But what happens when you lose a spouse, sibling, or child? For the first month, you’ll be overwhelmed with the kindness of your friends, you’ll get deluged with phone calls to the point where you want to be left alone, and you’ll have more flowers than you know what to do with. But after the funeral is over, everyone gradually returns to normal life again. And those of us closest to the deceased are left with a giant hole and very limited social support.

I read some stunning statistics recently in an email from Modern Widows Club, and I feel compelled to share them here:

I am incredibly grateful that I was not one of these statistics. I was always the breadwinner in our marriage, because from a young age, it was very important to me that I be financially independent and not reliant upon a man to provide for me. (Steve and I had lots of jokes over the years about how he was a “man of little means.” Some people simply aren’t motivated by money, and Steve was one of them.) But think of all the widows out there who are struggling to make their mortgage payments, buy their children healthy food to eat, and are fearful for their future financial stability.

I look at my millennial friends right now, and almost all of them are getting engaged, getting married, or having babies. (And often spending lots of money on all these celebrations.) And of course I am happy for them. I am happy that they have (so far) been spared the torment and suffering of intense grief, because I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. But I also can’t help but feel irritated sometimes that we aren’t doing more as a society to help those recovering from tragic loss.

On this Memorial Day, as we remember all of those who gave their lives in the US military, let’s not just give thanks for their courage and sacrifice. Let’s also remember all of the spouses, parents, siblings, and children who are continuing to grieve the loss of a very special someone. If you know someone who is grieving, send them a meal kit, offer to pick up some groceries for them, or go mow their lawn when you notice the grass is getting a little too long. The smallest gesture of kindness could turn their day from dismal to joyful. And if you don’t know someone personally, consider making a donation to a charity that supports widows or grieving families.

I’m all for celebrating life’s happiest days, but let’s not forget that in the same exact moment, someone is having their worst day ever. What can we do to reach out to those people and let them know that they are not alone?