This summer, a dog taught me a lot about Buddhism.
Nine weeks ago, I adopted a dog. I wish I could say that everything went spectacularly well and she’s now fully settled into her forever home with me, but unfortunately, it didn’t end that way. I ended up making the very difficult decision to rehome her, after getting a better sense of her personality and what she needs to live her best life.
Earlier in the summer before I adopted Jasmine, I had been reflecting a lot on the Buddhist principle of non-attachment. I was getting the sense that I needed to explore and deepen my ability to live out this philosophy. For most of my life, I’ve honestly had quite an aversion to the idea, but after my experiences this summer, I’m really starting to appreciate its wisdom.
In Buddhism, non-attachment is the practice of relating to people, experiences, and possessions without clinging to them or trying to make them permanent.
It doesn’t mean not caring, being cold, or cutting yourself off from life. Instead, it’s about engaging fully but without grasping.
(Thanks, ChatGPT!)
My first few weeks with Jasmine were really fun, but then as the honeymoon phase started to wane and her real personality began to emerge, I started noticing that her trauma and past abuse ran deep. While she was always affectionate towards me, she started growling and barking at others more and more frequently. After weeks of research and consulting with dog trainers, I was exhausted and burnt out trying to figure out her triggers with very little progress.
The only thing I knew for sure was that she never seemed to have behavioral issues when other dogs were around. She has a lot of energy and loves playing with other dogs, so I took her to the dog park every single day. I started noticing that she was able to interact affectionately with other dog owners at the park without getting reactive around them. I had to board her a couple times this summer and the staff had nothing but positive things to say about her. And then one day it clicked, “This dog needs to live with other dogs.” As much as I wanted to believe that I could give her everything she needed to have a happy healthy life, I had to ultimately accept that living in a home with other dogs was her best path forward, and I was not going to be able to provide that for her. I love Jasmine and care deeply for her well-being, but I realized that I couldn’t keep clinging to the idea that I would be her best owner.
In my experience, a key component of being able to embrace non-attachment is accepting that we don’t always know what is best for us. I think people often cling to things that aren’t really good for them in the hopes that the situation will change, or because the very idea of making a change is intimidating. Sometimes staying in a less than ideal situation feels more comfortable than making a hard choice to metaphorically “rip off the band-aid” and shift towards a new reality that will provide greater long-term happiness.
Brianna Weist captures the idea of non-attachment beautifully in her book The Pivot Year:
You will have to learn that some things are right for a time, but not forever. You will have to learn that moving on from them does not diminish the place they held within you, the importance they have to you, or the impact they had on you… You will have to learn to let go of some things that are still beautiful, because you know they are not quite right, because you know that a deeper peace is waiting. The people, places and things that phase in and out of your life come to you for a specific purpose, and once their mission is complete, you are able to move on to the next experience. You will have to learn that the very act of letting go is not a failure, but a signal of completion: one of the truest signs that you are evolving as a human being.
As I tend to do, I’ve given thanks for the silver linings in my experience with Jasmine this summer. Here are some really positive things that came out of this challenging situation:
- Tons of nature time: There are few things that I enjoy more than strolling through a forest with a dog. I loved having Jasmine as my walking companion this summer. I discovered a bunch of new trails in the area and savored the beautiful weather every day with my pup.
- Clarity on my limits: I now have a better understanding of what I need when I attempt to adopt a dog again someday. My stress threshold is lower than I would like it to be, but there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve been through a lot in the last year and I need to give myself grace and space to care for myself, and not take on more than I can handle.
- Community: Thanks to Jasmine’s love of the dog park, I met tons of new people in the apartment complex! I love having camaraderie with my fellow dog-loving neighbors, and I’ve had such a fun time watching all of our dogs play together. Even though Jasmine is gone, I’m still going to go to the park to hang out and satisfy my craving for canine companionship!
Revolving Doors
I’ve referenced this quote before, but it really is true that when one door closes, another opens. In my recent experience, it honestly feels more like a revolving door. I’ve been through so much change in the last 16 months, sometimes I feel like I’m spinning round and round! But because of Jasmine, I’ve met a really special person and now I can pour more of my energy into cultivating that relationship.
Thank you Jasmine for all the joy and companionship you gave me this summer. You’re going to find a great forever home.