How do you keep the spirit of a person alive?

I think about this on an almost daily basis. Because when I think about how I live my life, I’m not only doing it for myself, my family, my friends, and all the people I haven’t met yet. I’m also living for Stephen. I feel that it is part of my earthly duty to make sure that he is not forgotten.

Stephen has a very unique vibrant spirit, and he enriched so many people’s lives by simply being present with them. He didn’t have to say much; just being in the same room with him as he served tea was a deeply powerful experience. One of our friends in Jacksonville said of Stephen: “I’ve never felt the presence of God more than when I was doing Tai Chi with him.”

I know on a very profound level that his spirit lives on, largely because it lives on within me. Ever since my encounter with him in the Garden of Philosophy in Budapest, I’ve been feeling him more and more, as I am finding small ways to stay connected to his spirit. (More on that at the end of this post.)

One way that I’ve chosen to keep his spirit alive is by making a short bucket list of things that I know he wanted to do, and I will do them. It’s not a very long list, because he did more in 39 years than most people do in 80, and I think he got to experience the vast majority of the things he desired in life. (What a blessing!)

Last December, I was visiting my godfather (formerly Stephen’s godfather) Steve Coulter, and he asked if I had any interest in swimming with whale sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. I immediately pounced on the suggestion, because Stephen and I had discussed doing this very thing a few years ago! And that was when the idea to write a bucket list for Stephen was born. (Thankfully, Steve Coulter is an actor and occasionally gets to walk the red carpet, so he will be able to assist with that particularly difficult goal!)

Our whale shark swimming experience was so awe-inspiring. Before we jumped in the water, Steve asked Stephen to join us so that he could see the magnificent sea creatures through our eyes. We spent thirty minutes swimming around with not only whale sharks, but also an assortment of rays, other sharks, and sea turtles. In the last five minutes, I saw one of the whale sharks swimming underneath me, so close I thought he might bump into me. I froze, hoping that if I remained still enough, he might give me a touch. And he gave me a very gentle high-five with his epically large tail! I took it as a hello and thank you from Stephen.

I’m genuinely excited to chip away at the other items on Stephen’s bucket list. I loved adventuring with him, and I know that as I do each thing, I will find a little piece of him in the experience. Whenever I do something he would love, however big or small, it makes me smile.

And how do I keep his spirit alive on the average day, which doesn’t include epic adventures? Sometimes it’s as simple as making a cup of tea. Other times, it’s looking into the mirror and gazing deeply into my eyes. Stephen’s eyes had a spark, just as mine do. And when I let my spark shine, I know that he is shining through me. I recently reread The Alchemist, and my favorite line from the whole book is this:

Your eyes show the strength of your soul.

Stephen and I are both very strong souls. It is a strength that transcends space and time, and it keeps us connected even though we are physically apart.