What was it like to live with Stephen Kirk Wagner?
It was a multi-sensory experience, that’s for sure. He had a big presence and it was certainly never boring!
I started writing this post on a day when I was really missing him, so I thought it would be healing to jot down some of the things I miss most. My original idea was to categorize things into the five senses – sounds, sights, smells, tastes, and feelings. But then as I started to assemble these lists, I realized that my sounds list was much longer than the others! So now this post simply captures the many sounds of Stephen. He would find this particularly amusing because we occasionally had conflicts around noise in the house when I transitioned to working from home. But now I can honestly say, “Yes Steve, I do actually miss the sound of you chanting and playing your buffalo drum!” Which I’m sure neither of us ever thought possible.
01
Steve’s laugh
02
The pitter-patter of Steve jamming on the handpan
03
Steve playing Legend of Zelda
What a great soundtrack!
04
Steve talking to his best man Anthony on the phone
05
Calming Asian lo-fi music as Steve would work on his computer
06
The haunting melodies of Steve playing Native American flute in the forest
07
Steve’s motorcycle pulling into the garage after a joyride
08
Steve mischievously chasing our pup Kelvin around the house
09
Steve dearly saying “Good night, my love” every night as we fell asleep
If you never had the opportunity to hear Stephen’s amazing musical talents, I am happy to share that I have a wonderful recording of him playing both handpan and Native American flute. Please have a listen; it will be the best five minutes of your day.
I’ve always been musically inclined, but in the years I lived with Stephen, I grew as a musician and learned how to play new instruments that I didn’t even know existed! (Here’s looking at you, handpan.) We especially loved to play Native American flute together. This is a snippet of a duet we played on our five year anniversary.
I’ve noticed that as time has passed, I miss the small things more than the big things. The thousands of little, repetitive moments that seemed so insignificant at the time, and now carry so much meaning. If you’re reading this and your spouse is still alive, I encourage you to make note of the tiny things that delight you (or annoy you), and truly savor them. Because they won’t last forever. All we can do is cherish them and give thanks every day that we have the opportunity to share life with this person. Even when they’re being a little too noisy.